Mushy Food & Veg Anxiety

by laury on May 2, 2010 · 0 comments

Oatmeal, cooked well, with Banana’s, Cinnamon and topped off with homemade Almond Milk to make it extra mushy! My breakfast for the past 3 days….yummy, yet time consuming (for the extra mush and cooling off–I’m hungry in the AM).

Today I added some of the Vegan Vanilla Chai Protein and Cinnamon…out of nanners 🙁

So I had some funky looking green oats (vegan protein is plant-based) topped with cinnamon :/
I assure you it tasted amazing and smelled scrumptious!

Still feeling lots of discomfort in the jaw; the kind of feeling that you don’t know how to relieve 🙁 Ice packs, salt water, and pain reliever (against what I believe, but not worth the pain) are the only things helping. Weird thing, it’s mostly first thing in the AM and at night, during the day the pain seems to subside. Oh well….who’s had major dental work recently? What did you nosh on?

Thoughts during my venture back into veggy-ism:

***cartoon language warning***

I read a very well-written post on Choosing Raw that hit home for me about social discomfort and food (this was particularly about vegan-ism, but it can relate to vegetarians, or anyone on a special diet). I am not putting a label on myself just yet; however, it’s been almost a month (longer since I considered it) since I (veg plegde) haven’t eaten red meat, chicken, turkey or dairy milk. I have eaten fish once, and I can not kick the goat cheese (and had a little Gruyere that a client gave to me). If you have been reading regularly, you know that I was a vegetarian for almost 10 years, it was for a lot of the wrong reasons though, and my relationship with food back then was not the healthiest. I gave in and started eating poultry & fish about 5 or 6 years in, and then occasionally had some fillet or a good cut of (mostly) grass-fed red meat every now and then (I caved after 10 yrs due to pressure from my hubby when we were dating). I haven’t eaten pork sine I was 12 or 13 and don’t ever plan on it anytime soon, or ever.

This time around I am doing it for health reasons, moral reasons, spiritual reasons and political reasons. No labels yet. I need to see how this works for me and what I can do. I’m trying to do as many raw foods as I can, but I love cooked food too much. Another anxiety I have is my marriage and my social relationships. Eating out is such an important part of my husband and his family’s life. My family rarely or NEVER went out to eat. His family goes out a few times a week! Every special occasion or event is an excuse to get together and try a new restaurant or go to an old favorite…which there’s absolutely nothing wrong with, and it is quite nice to get together and share good food! But, it poses a big challenge for my whole belief system. Enjoying “good” food (as he calls it) is a HUGE part of my husbands life, and as his wife, he wants me to enjoy it with him. This is the biggest challenge I would face if I decided to go “vegan”–I think I can swing it being vegetarian…but I don’t know if the eating out part would always make me the kind of vegetarian I want to be?

My view of food and my beliefs don’t really mesh with the whole eating out concept. I am sometimes able to put it in the back of my mind and tell myself that it’s okay every now and then to not know exactly where my food is coming from, I have to, even way way way before I decided to venture back into vegetarianism. I NEVER ate chicken out, it always grossed me out, not knowing where it came from. And, I always tried to make the best choices possible when going out to eat.

Being difficult and needing special treatment with food is no stranger to me…I spent most of my life, and all of my adolescence carrying that “burden(?)” around. I got used to it after a while, and as a teen I really didn’t care much, or think too much or care about needing “special treatment.” My family just did it, and was supportive, for the most part. I still got questions every holiday from an uncle or a distant relative or guest about being a vegetarian and what I am eating, it was a little annoying but I was so used to it.

My point is, this time around my beliefs and reasons for venturing back into the animal-food-free world is much more powerful. I am not struggling with disordered eating, I am not doing it for weight-loss or to use as an excuse not to eat dinner with my family. I am doing it because I believe it’s the most sustainable, kindest, healthiest and safest way to eat.

The more I read and the more I really think about it, the more important the cause becomes to me. However, am I ready for the social pressures? Bringing my own food? Needing to go somewhere that has an acceptable vegetarian menu (when my husband LOVES steakhouses)? How could I ever become vegan if being a vegetarian is so difficult? Is vegan-ism really right for me? So many questions, so much to think about.

 This time around I do have a lot of anxiety about social situations, primarily with my family. My husband, in particular,  not thrilled about me not enjoying the same foods as him, but he’s been as supportive as he can be at this point. Also, a big step (for him) has been going from eating perdue chicken and cheesesteaks, other non-organic meats to eating only mostly organic and grass-fed meat and poultry (occasional on the red meat, he is very strict about his intake), all which is at least how he is when he is with me. (He’s also been watching his bread and fried foods, that he eats when he’s not with me, and  lost about 18 pounds, and I am SOO proud of him!)

I am not looking forward to needing a special meal made for me (which I will probably not allow anyway), the questions and the confused and judgmental looks on people’s faces that just don’t understand, or don’t want to understand; and the challenge to make it all work with my family. Each day I become stronger in my beliefs and the direction I want to go. However, with those strong beliefs come strong anxiety, not whether I personally could do it, but if I can with those around, people that I love very much. Still no labels.

I would love to hear from anyone else going through this, or who has been through this and how you dealt. I highly recommend reading this Raw Rehab Q & A posted by Gena on Choosing Raw, it made me feel a little better, and was nice to hear from other people sharing the same anxiety and how they dealt.

Another post on Newly Wed, Newly Veg REALLY hit home to me from my (past) vegetarian life, about being at an event and the embarrassment of someone announcing to the entire room “there’s a vegetarian in the room, you forgot her special order meal!” Oh, I have been there SEVERAL times…proms, weddings, rehearsal dinners…hmmm, maybe that’s what drove me back to meat the first time around? haha, idk…oye!

Would love to hear your thoughts on this!!

Hope everyone is enjoying their Sunday! How was your weekend????
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